Condo update

So, I mentioned a couple of blog entries ago that I was going to talk to J. about buying that condo together. Well, I did. Before that though, I thought about it further and decided that I really wasn’t ready to take the financial plunge of buying a place together. I may trust that we last a long time, but I don’t want to risk the money. What IF we break up? Then what happens to our condo? What happens to the money? Putting money into a place when you haven’t even dated more than a year is kind of risky. 

We talked that evening and we came to the agreement that we’d rent for a year or so until we were more comfortabe with our relationship. Or until it is more socially acceptable to buy a place haha… 

But, then comes the next struggle. I think J. is quite happy living at home. He has a good set up; he doesn’t pay rent and his parents cook, clean and do his laundry for him. I guess I also have a good set up, except that I don’t get along with my parents at all and am desperate to leave. The problem then? Well, he’s not in a rush to look. In fact, he hasn’t looked once since we talked to each other about it and that was almost a month ago. I’ve looked. A lot. 

The thing is, I feel like I put aside my dream of home ownership (and more importantly, a home away from my parents) for him. I thought we could rent together and then I’d get both things that I want. He’s just so comfortable with not moving… I’m not sure this is going to happen at all. I feel like we’ll be dating a full year or more before we move into a place togheter. That in itself isn’t an issue; it’s just that I’ve been looking to move out on my own for over a year now. It’s actually closing in on 2.5 years now.

A part of me wonders if I should have just gone for that place on my own. Sure my budget would be tight (I’d only be saving 800$ per month, or less). Still, at least I would have something that was my own. It’s like I told Pris, I don’t feel like I have a place of my own. Even my room… My mom will just invite herself in whenever she wants. They come in and move my stuff around to ‘clean’, but then everything is all over th eplace and I don’t know where stuff is. On top of that, my mom’s memory is so bad she doesn’t remember even going into my room – even if it’s clear she has. 

I’m fed up. I want my own place. I want a home. 

I just wish he would understand me. 

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OnePlus One: Always Settle.

If you can’t tell from the title of the post what this is going to be about, then I feel sorry for you bro.

This is going to be a very unhappy, complaint filled post about my smartphone. Last year in April, I purchased a OnePlus One. The first red flag I should have acknowledged was that they didn’t ship to Canada. They also required a stupid invitation, which I was lucky enough to snag from a friend of a friend.

When I finally (after a number of mishaps) got the phone in my hands, I have to admit… it was a beauty to look at. It didn’t feel cheaply made. It had a good heft in my hand and the screen was nice and big (bigger than the actual entirety of my dad’s iPhone 5s).

Trouble started shortly after though. In the first week, I noticed that images would often burn into the screen. For example, if I was using a particular website for more than 10 minutes, there would be a ghost of the page left on my screen after I’d return to the home screen. It was annoying, but I just accepted it as fact when I couldn’t find anything online about it.

Then I started having issues with the camera. Essentially, the damn thing only works when it feels like it. I’ve honestly missed so many chances to capture memories because of my phone’s finicky camera. Sometimes I’ll open it up and I get a warning saying that the phone can’t detect the camera. Well, thanks. I missed the opportunity to take pictures of my cousin walking down the aisle. Yep. Never settle, eh?

Then, my phone suddenly bricked sometime in August/September last year. For no damn reason. Just up and bricked itself. One day it was working and literally in the evening, it just stopped. Turned off and I couldn’t turn the damned thing back on again. I plugged it in overnight, tried again in the morning… Nada. I opened a ticket and they kept telling me to do things that weren’t even feasible (“can you open up the boot menu?”… “No, because the whole thing will not turn on!” … “Can you try hard resetting it?” … “No, because I can’t turn it on, period.”). Super unhelpful support team at OnePlus.

In the end, I found the forum to be a lot more helpful. Thankfully people in the community were also having the same problem. I tried their little tactic of draining it for 3 days and then charging it for 3 days straight. It worked! Thank god. Honestly though, that entire week without a phone was like death though. I need my phone for work, so I had to put my sim card into a borrowed phone and then my crappy Samsung Galaxy 3 (which, I’ll point out, lasted 3 years before slowly becoming senile).

For the last few months, I’ve had a few more nice little bugs pop up. The biggest problem is that my call quality is next to nothing. It’s not an issue with the calls I’m receiving – it’s how I sound on the other end. Apparently no one can hear me. There’s always an echo or it sounds robotic. I’ve moved my sim card around to different phones and it’s not the service provider or my reception. It’s the effing phone. The thing that bothers me most about this, is the fact that I need my phone for work. I use it daily. I make work related phone calls from it constantly. The one function it’s supposed to have (namely, making phone calls), it can’t do. What’s the point of having a smartphone then?

The other fun problem that’s reared it’s head this past week and half is that my home and menu buttons stop working after opening up Whatsapp. I’ve had to restart my phone a total of 3x a day. It’s frustrating. It’s also starting to ‘freeze’ or lag. I’ll open an app and it will take a good minute to actually open it. If I get anxious and start tapping away on the screen, the whole thing just freeze and I have to restart the damned phone. Can I point out that I’ve had this phone for less than a year???

So, what am I going to do? Well, what I’m good at. I’m going to bitch and moan, because that’s what I do. Then I’m going to tell OnePlus this one important thing:

I’m never going to purchase a phone from you again and I’ll make sure everyone else I know also doesn’t.

See, the one thing that really bothers me about OnePlus isn’t the fact that their phone is crap. It’s the fact that they touted this thing as a “flagship killer” and they run with the motto “never settle”. I feel like the only thing I’ve been doing with this phone since I’ve gotten it is constantly settling. I settle with the fact that images burn into my screen. I settle with the fact that I can’t make phone calls through it. I settle with the fact that it may suddenly decide to brick on me. I settle with the fact that I have to restart it 3x a day. Finally, I settle with the fact that they’ve left without any help or guidance to solve any of these problems.

I think the thing that OnePlus doesn’t realize is the importance of establishing a good customer base. Sure, you can hype a product and sell a massive amount of crap goods and you’ll probably make a good profit from that. The problem though, is that you want repeat customers, especially in this digital age. Phones do not last long, sometimes because they become outdated, but often times because something newer and shinier comes out. You need to first of all, offer a good product. Then you need to offer good customer support to catch those people that will inevitably experience some problems. I honestly feel like you’ve dropped the ball on both fronts. You caught my eye with the promises to deliver a great phone at an affordable price and to “never settle for less,” but honestly, this is just shameful. You’ve dropped the ball. Miserably.

OnePlus, you have a lot to learn as a newcomer to the smartphone business… But I’m not sticking around with you guys as you learn.

– A very annoyed L.

Fighting~!

On a really unrelated note, I figured out how to write a blog entry on my ipad without the damned thing freaking out on me and saving after every 5 seconds (see previous post). Basically, I have to view entries, then start a new one from that window. Confusing (and unnecessary). What the heck WordPress? Get on your app!

So, J and I had a bit of a tiff. I’ve been looking for a condo for the past year or so. So far, nothing has really come up that I liked, but the reality is that things are supposed to only get better with the drop in the economy right now. Oh, maybe I should start that. I live in a city that has built itself up on only one resource and right now, the price of that resource is plummetting and taking our economy with it. No worries, my job is mostly secure (I hope) and so is J’s.

Anyways, back to the story. I’ve been looking for a condo for the past year or so, mostly because I need to move out. I feel like a lot of the arguments and fights I have with  my parents are because we have been in each other’s faces for the past  27 years. It’s just too much. I had been looking for a place prior to meeting J. and told him after we started dating, that I was still looking. The first time I brought it up, he was a little saddened, because I said I wanted to move in on my own first. I think he wanted to move in together. The plan had always been that I’d buy a place on my own and that he’d be free to move into it when we (I?) were ready.

Things changed recently… I’m not sure why. A couple of days ago, I made an appointment to meet with my realtor to check out a few places that had been up on the market for about a month. From the pictures, you really can’t tell much, so I had hoped to get a view of what the place looked like. At this point, I wasn’t taking the house hunting all too seriously, because I had been sorely disappointed by the last group of houses I was shown. Nothing was really liveable.

J. ended up coming with me to see the places and we immediately fell in love with one condo in an up-and-coming neighbourhood. It’s an infill condo in a building that was built in the 1980s. But man, it is a good price. It’s only 315,000$ and condo fees are a nice cheap 118$! I’ve never seen condo fees that low before. Anyways,  it was pretty much exactly what I had dreamed of getting for the price too! Nice new granite kitchen, big bathroom, good amount of storage, underground parking (no elevator though!), two decent sized bedrooms, etc. etc. etc. It was great! J. thought the same thign too…

Until the next day. He started crunching the numbers and sent me a spreadsheet in the morning indicating just how expensive it would be and how, basically, I couldn’t afford it. To be honest, I was pissed at him. I was angry that he did that behind my back. I was angry at the way he talked to me … it felt like he was talking down to me and chastising me for going after a place I couldn’t afford. To me, buying a place is more than just finding a place to live. It’s more than just buying a place too. My parents had never really given me a space that was truly my own. My room? Well, I’m not allowed to lock the door and they are welcomed to come in whenever the hell they want. There have been so many incidences where my mother has walked in on me half naked (or even fully naked). This house would have been something that was my own. I can make the rules. I can cook in my own damn kitchen. I don’t have to listen to my mother scold me or nag at me about cleaning the place up (not that I wouldn’t keep it clean). It also meant responsibility and finally growing up. Finally being an adult.

So, when J. started talking down to me like a parent talking down to a child, I guess I got pretty angry and then I got pretty upset when I realized that he was right, I couldn’t afford it. It felt like I worked so hard to be mature and to be an adult, that it didn’t seem to matter. How hard I worked at work and how much I tried didn’t matter. I wouldn’t be able to buy a decent place and it seeemd like no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to buy a decent place.

By the end of the day though, I calmed down. We talked about the idea of buying a place together and how with our combined incomes, it would be more than affordable. That scared me, to be honest. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because I also talked to Lily and she made it clear what she thought – you should only buy a place if you’re able to afford it on your own. A part of me agrees with her and knows where she’s coming from. It’s logical. But, the other side of me thinks, “she hasn’t been in love” and, “she doesn’t know that we are already pretty much committed to being togther.” I guess that’s a side story, but she is also starting to piss me off. She acts like she is the vestibule of all knowledge and logic, but the reality is that she isn’t. Her judgement is clouded by emotions too, just like anyone else. She likes to think that she and Maggie are always so … I dunno. Clever? Better off than others? Look, I know Lily is smart, but that doesn’t mean her life advice is always on point. Sometimes she gets it wrong. Sometimes I look at the way she treats a situation and I’m like, “damn, Lily… You really fucked that one up”.

Yesterday, I also had dinner with Eleanor, Dianna and Priscilla after work. Eleanor got back from finishing her  PhD. so she called a meeting. I’m not sure how I feel about her either. Priscilla and I talked about it in detail when I drove her to get her car up north. We also talked about the situation with J. and the house buying. See, Priscilla’s opinion and judgement on life situations… That one, I trust. Partly, because she’s experienced a lot first hand, and partly because she’s open minded and truly doesn’t judge anyone. With Lily and Maggie, all I feel is their judgement. They constantly judge other people to a standard that they hold true for their own lives. That doesn’t mean that standard applies to other people. I’m glad that they’ve found each other and that their values are so similar, but I don’t think that gives them the right to pass judgement on other people.

Sorry, I’m getting side-tracked. Back to the original story. I talked to Priscilla last night about the J. thing. She said she didn’t think it was weird that the two of us wanted to buy a place togheter. She thought it was worth taking the risk, and I agreed with her. That’s the whole point of life… you take risks. Sometimes they don’t pan out and other times they lead you to an amazing journey or story. That’s what I want my life to be… a collection of stories. Some stories are happy and funny. Others are going to be sad. The more risks you take… the more turns your life’s journey will make and the more chances you will see some exciting stuff on the way to your destination.

Anywayas, I think I want to take that plunge with J. I am planning to talk to him tonight about the idea of buying that place together. I think it may be a change in his original plan, but it might be a nice change. He said he’d be happy to be a home owner by the time he was 30 and that maybe it made sense  to get a starter home first. Especially if we can afford to pay it off in about 5 years time. That would give us 2 properties, potentially. I think the only thing that frightens me about this plan, is the commitment it means I have to make to him. If he were to leave, I couldn’t afford that place on my own, not unless I got a much better paying job

While it’s easy to say that you’re committed to someone… it’s really only when you’re asked to show that commitment that it becomes … real. I feel like I do want to be with him for a long time, if not forever. I feel like we are a good match and I feel like I really do truly love him. I know he’s an amazing catch and I know that he really truly loves me without any doubts. I just worry about my doubts getting in the way of something good. I worry that I’ll let my hesitations or my desire for a fairytale (albeit unrealistic) relationship to cloud my judgement and that I’ll throw away this real relationship to chase a dream.

Oh man. What do I do?

– L.

Creeping

I know, I know. It’s so unusual to see me write up a post two days in a row! What a treat! I promise you, it’s really not. 

I’m not sure what the purpose of this blog is. The thing I struggle most with, is content. I’m not sure what I should be sharing here and what I shouldn’t. In some sense, I can’t seem to find my voice, as ironic as that is. Sometimes I treat this place like a journal – just for my own eyes. That resulted in the very angry and very swear-filled post regarding my lost phone (which ended up not being lost – don’t know if I ever bothered to mention that). Other times, I’m accutely aware that someone out in the big wide web might just stumble onto this little space of mine. On those days, I write more cohesively and honestly, more professionally. I use my big words on those days :). 

The reason I bring this up, is because there are some posts here that I thihnk are so well written and so defining of my character/personality, that I’d like to share them with a select few. Namely, with J. Maybe with some other friends. The problem though, is the existence of those unfiltered brain fart posts (that’s if farts swore). The other problem is that the majority of this blog is currently filled with sad, longing posts about a long lost romance. 

A part of me wants to delete the past, so that I can share this with J. Is that telling of my mindset too? Delete the memories of R to make room for J? That’s only one thought though. The other part of me, the part that is winning out now, thinks that it’s important to keep those old posts. Why? Sure, they’re hard to read and they bring back memories that I’d sometimes rather forget. However, they’re a document to the struggle and the realness of my existence. I was hurt. I was hurt badly. And, I think it shaped who I am now. 

I look back on those old posts and I sometimes think, “oh my god, if only you knew what would happen to you.” I sometimes feel sorry for her. Other times, I feel angry at her. But, overall… when I read it from start to finish, I get it. I see it. I see that it was all like steps towards the right direction. Sure you stepped in poop and maybe took a dunk in surprisingly deep puddle, but it got you where you are right now. I should be grateful for that. 

I’m not saying that right now I am where I need to be. I think I’m still growing and still moving. I’m happy that I’m in a relationship with J, but I know there’s so much more to achieve. There’s still some changes that need to happen in my life. I still need to grow up and I still need to find a job I love. I’m still not sure what I’m doing, but I’m certain that I’m closer today than I was a year ago, especially now that I have a partner to support me through it. 

So, in summation, what do I do? Should I share this with J? Should I maybe not? He caught sight of my WordPress when we set up my PC (did I mention he helped me build a PC?? He’s the best). He said, “oh, I didn’t know you had a WordPress,” and I immediately yelled, “DON’T READ IT!”. He kind of laughed and said, “okay I won’t.” 

I don’t want to hurt him with all these posts that are seemingly devoted to R. I also don’t want him to think that I was obsessed with R. (okay I may have been), or that I’d leave him for R. if I had the chance to. J., I’m telling you right now that I won’t. I’d take your hand in mine, look him straight in the eyes and tell him to EFF THE EFF OFF. I want J. to realize that yes, right now the majority of the posts are devoted to R. But that’s because he’s my past… My future posts will be filled with J. Even the posts that aren’t seemingly about J. are only there because of his presence. He’s brought a sense of peace and calmness to my life that has let me be … okay. 

I guess I’m also worried that J. will take all this stuff that I’ve written and maybe see a different side of me. Not that it’s inaccurate; these are all my words, after all. I just worry that he’ll take it out of context. For me, it’s so clear that I’ve grown. I look back at my old posts and I see growth there. But, from an outsider’s view, will they see that too? I’m not sure. I’m worried he’ll see the nasty side of me. The side of me that is angry at my friends. That swears without any restraint. That is cruel in thought. While a part of me knows he kind of figured this out already, it doesn’t mean I want him to see actual proof of my callousness. 

I don’t know. I just really want to share everything about myself with him. That’s just what I do. I don’t think it’s something that he feels comfortable doing or needs to do, but for me… it is a part of wanting to prove to someone that I love them. That I want them to know all of me and that there’s nothing I’m going to hide about myself. I don’t want him getting into a relationship with someone he thinks he doesn’t know. I want him to know upfront what he’s getting involved with. Honesty, yo, it’s the key. 

Oh WordPress, give me a sign! 

– L

New Year.

Hi everyone! Happy New Year!

To be honest, it’s been a whirlwind of a holiday season and I didn’t really have much time to ‘relax’. I’ll fill you in on the details.

First of all, in December at work we had our tri-annual services audit. Basically, this third party comes and audits our services, our paperwork, and interviews our clients. In preparation, I spent the whole month of November running around getting paperwork  finished or signed. I also spent a lot of hours rearranging files, even though it’s not my job. I also realized in that time that I was really under-trained. The majority of the things I do at work, I had to teach myself! As a result though, it meant that a lot of paperwork I should have completed, I didn’t. I’m sure I’ll be in trouble for it…

The second big thing of the holiday season was Mac’s whole drama. I don’t think I discussed this at all, being the selfish, selfish person I am. I’ll start from the beginning. Mac is my best friend from Jr. High. She’s a bit of a serial monogamist and she’s really never stayed with anyone guy for more than a couple of years. She’s also admittedly never been in love. Anyways, this year around September (?) I got a random phone call from Fe. Now, I never get phone calls from Fe, so I was kind of caught off guard. She excitedly asked me if I knew whether or not Mac was dating some Korean dentist guy she worked with in er office. I said I didn’t know, but promptly pulled up my Facebook messenger and shot a message off to Mac.

Mac got back to me pretty much immediately and she told me that her parents had set her up on a date with some innocent/naive Korean guy from another church. They really liked him and thought that he’d be good for her, so she flew into town to meet with him for like 3 days (thanks for telling me you were in town!!). They actually hit it off and kept talking. By the end of the week, they were engaged. Yeah. And everyone said Jay and I moved fast.

They announced their wedding date for December 28th and Mac even asked me to be her Maid of Honour! It was really sweet, but after a month of planning it fizzled out. She said it was too trying to figure out all the extra details of having bridesmaids. Regardless, their date was still set for Dec. 28th in Toronto.

A couple of months went by and they still seemed to be going strong, so I went ahead and bought my flight tickets. Mistake number 1. I planned to stay with Jess, who conveniently had a house to herself and lived maybe 15 minutes away from the venue. I didn’t get a rental care though (Mistake number 2?).

Then came the first week of December and I got a message from Macrina. Yep, you guessed it. She cancelled her wedding. She was very brief on the details, but when she finally opened up to me, she told me that they had had a disagreement. She didn’t specify about what, but Fe and I chatted a bit afterwards and the story from his side was something related to prenups. Apparently, he had asked for a prenup (since the guy is 38 and has been a dentist for more than 10 years) and Mac had basically said no.

Anyways, I didn’t hear any more from Mac and I didn’t want to presume. She then messaged me and told me she’d be back in Calgary in mid-December. When she landed, we hung out a little and she finally got into the nitty-gritty. She told me that they had been all set to be married. She was convinced that she was madly in love with this guy and that she was willing to give up anything to be with him. She talked about their plans for her to support him while he went back to med school.

But then, they had some sort of argument and in a heated moment, she told him that she wished they were done. And apparently that was enough to scare and rattle him into reality. Suddenly, he woke up and realized that if they divorced, he’d have no real protection of his assets. So, after going away for a week (with his friend to LV), he came back with the prenup.

To her, that spelled the end. It meant that he didn’t truly believe that they were going to be together forever. To her it seemed like he was already planning for their divorce and she took it as a slap in the face. This was someone that she thought she could sacrifice for, but the prenup made her think that maybe he wasn’t ready to do the same for her.

Basically, their combined insecurities destroyed their relationship, which is sort of sad. Mac confessed that she felt so torn up over the situation, because she thought it was maybe the first time she had truly been in love. To be 100% honest, I’m not really sure if that’s true or not. From my experience with Mac and her love affairs, she always seems to be completely infatuated and then completely uninterested or unaffected when it ends.

So, for the majority of December she struggled with the idea of being still interested or in love with her ex-fiancee, but not wanting to go any further with him either. She reasoned that her intention for dating is to marry, but she knows that he wouldn’t marry without a prenup and she wouldn’t marry with one. As a result, their relationship is pointless, because while they may love each other, it won’t result in what they both want (a marriage). I think she puts too much weight on the idea of marriage and the necessity of it. I worry she’ll end up marrying some poor sap just because she wants to be married.

That was basically my December. I spent the time either entertaining Mac, distracting her from her thoughts, or helping her cover up their secret rendez-vous from her disapproving parents (they disapproved after she told them about the prenup).

I hardly had any time to spend with Jay, because he was in Ontario as well (extended family). But, to be honest, the whole situation with Mac and her ex-fiance made me really think and appreciate what I have with J. It also made me take a more mature look at our relationship.

Looking back at that last post, it wasn’t all that realistic nor mature. I still have some doubts, but I realize now that to be a good pair, you don’t need to be exactly the same. You also don’t need to talk all the time (even though I still do). What matters is that it’s clear I love him and it’s clear that he loves me. What matters, is that we want each other to be happy and that we make each other happy.

Maybe there is a place in the world where dogs and cats can live happily ever after 🙂

– L

 

 

 

Little doubts like little spots.

So I mentioned doubts in my last post. I still have them, even after all this time. I’m not sure if it’s normal or not. I doubt a lot.

When Jay and I first met, we thought we were very similar. On the surface, sure… we are. Our families are very similar – he comes from an Asian background, but is quite white-washed. He likes the same type of music I do. He likes video games and movies and music and concerts, etc. He likes to stay in, but sometimes he likes to party hard (yay!).

But the more time that I started to spend with Jay, the more I started to notice subtle, but important, differences. For example, I am a talker. I hadn’t realized how much I like conversation and how important it was for me until recently. Just around the time when you start feeling comfortable with someone. Just around the time when you start feeling like you really know someone; because that’s just around the time he stopped asking me questions about myself.

I also find talking to him to be trying. I have to think about it. Or, alternatively… I don’t. Either we’re acting kind of childish or we’re having a really mature adult conversation that requires a lot of brain power, that honestly… becomes more like a debate than a fun conversation.

Sure we spend a lot of time together, but sometimes… it’s just him playing video games and me sitting quietly on my own, on my cellphone or finding something else to pass the time. We Facetime almost daily, but same thing happens… I end up watching him game and do my own thing while he games. He doesn’t talk to me, he doesn’t ask me questions… Sometimes I will talk and tell a story, and he kind of just seems… uninterested. It’s honestly a little disheartening.

I also don’t know how to talk to him about that without hurting his feelings. I try to subtly bring it up by saying things like, “we’re really different hey? I like to talk and you don’t really” and he just follows up with a “yeah, I  guess so”.

He’s also very motivated and has strong will-power. I’m very lazy and my will-power is non-existent for things that I don’t enjoy. This usually includes fitness. Since we started dating, I’ve put on like 10 pounds and Jay has put on about the same. However, he’s been actively working out to try and lose the belly. I, on the other hand, haven’t been taking it as seriously (aka. I’m not doing shit). I mean, I’m trying to watch my diet, but I’m really not doing much physical activity. So, I guess he pushes me to workout and it’s starting to cause me to resent him. It’s also gotten to the point where he’ll say things like, “I want you to be healthy and lose the weight so we can be together for a looonggg time”. I know he means it. I know he’s not saying I’m fat… I know he actually wants to see me well and healthy. But, I can’t help but feel that he also wants to shape me into the type of girlfriend that he’s proud to have around – someone that is fashionable and skinny/well-endowed in the right areas.

The thing that bothers me the most though, is that silence. I’m not used to it. He doesn’t talk much… and it seems like he’s satisfied to just have me in his presence. He’s very much like a cat – he wants you nearby, but he doesn’t necessarily want you petting him or talking to him or playing with him. I’m very much like a dog – I’m full of energy and I want to play and have attention and pets and pets and squirrel.

How do a cat and a dog stay in love?

-L

Updates

First of all, can I just say that I am not happy with the WordPress app available to iPads? It’s shit! When it ‘autosaves’ a post, it basically reloads the page meaning that I have to constantly reclick the box that I want to type into. Stupid design. STUPID.

Okay, now that I’ve finished ranting, let’s talk about what things have changed since May 2015. I know that my last post was jumping the gun a little bit, but this one will hopefully clear up some of the main players.

I guess the biggest thing is the introduction of J. Or Jay. Um… yeah, I managed to hook myself a boyfriend. And he is amazing. Dammit. I’m still a little stunned that things have happened so quickly! It’s been 5 months now and it is still mind blowing. I’ve met his parents, he’s met mine. We’ve even gone on a trip abroad (with his extended family, no less).

So how did we meet? The most typical way possible for someone in our generation – online. Well, technically we met through Tinder, which is maybe worse. It carries all those negative connotations that we were just looking to boink and somehow managed to stumble into a relationship. Not entirely true. Possibly true on his end, but not on mine …

Let me recount the story, b/c god forbid I love telling stories:

I downloaded Tinder a while back, mostly because it was quick and I could fiddle around with it on my phone during slow work days. I didn’t have to put too much effort into it, basically. Anyways, I swiped right on Jay’s picture – I honestly can’t recall what the picture was, but he tells me it’s a silly one of him making silly faces.

As soon as I swipped right, he started messaging me. I remember the night pretty clearly, because it was the same day that we finally decided on Stephanie’s stupid bridesmaid dresses. I was out getting an icecream cake for our hangout at Fiona’s place and he sent me a message asking me for 3 random things to incorporate into a poem. I can’t remember what I told him, other than giving him ‘orange’ to try and mess with him.

He actually came back with a poem that ended up with asking me out for brunch (“for eggs benny with Lenny”). He seemed funny and flirtatious on Tinder, so I gave him my number and we kept texting sporadically for the next couple of weeks.

At the same time,  I had also started talking to this guy, Chris T. He was kind of strange on text (a little too serious about his gaming), but I met up with him for sushi and he seemed nice enough. He had some odd habits (like eating with his hands?), but I chalked it up to being at a Japanese restaurant.

Anyways, at this point, I hadn’t met Jay yet. He was still just a guy texting me and to be 100% honest, the more he texted the more dorky I thought he was. He would text me in memes and do that annoying neckbeard thing of adding “le” in front of words. And sending me pictures of meme faces. I admittedly thought, “yeah, this guy is a mega dork”.

By the time that Jay and I arranged to actually meet for the first time, I had already had one date with Chris and was planning to double book myself for our second date. Namely, I had a brunch date with Jay and a dinner date with Chris.

When I showed up for breakfast, I was kinda of taken aback. Actually, I was completely thrown for a loop. Jay actually was really… kind of attractive. He dressed well, knew how to do his hair, was fairly confident and spoke like an actual human being. He was … pretty … yeah. I was surprised. I had misjudged him and kicked myself in the bum for it.

We had a pretty average brunch. Just sat and talked about ourselves; got to know each other. Then Jay asked if I wanted to continue talking over coffee, so we wandered over to Starbucks where we chatted about ourselves more. For some reason, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about our worst online dates. I shared the story of back-rubber and he talked about the 21 year old he met through Tinder. I found out tha the too went to U of C and that he was actually… younger than me. Oops.

I also found out he drove a fancy ass BMW, but wasn’t trying to rub it into my face, like some other guys I’ve been on dates with. He was pretty modest about it… which was attractive, to say the least.

He seemed to be enjoying the conversation and … by the time we finished our respective drinks, we had been on our date for 2 hours and he wanted to extend it! We ended up going to watch Jurassic Park together. I spent the whole time watching him from the corner of my eye and wondering what it’d be like to hold his hand. Heh.

After our date, we gave each other a hug and headed our separate ways. I headed over to pick Chris up from his home (b/c the guy didn’t know Calgary well and drove a mini van and yadda yadda) for our dinner date. We went to an all you can eat Indian restaurant where I sat politely listening to him rant about eugenics and how it wasn’t all that flawed of an idea. Yes,   he knew exactly what my job entailed. The whole dinner just felt like it couldn’t end any sooner. The only problem was that it didn’t. He was sort of pushy and insisted that we do something after dinner, so we went for ice cream at village. We sat in the car and ate our ice cream while he complained about how parents should hit his kids (oh yes, he did – did I tell you he’s an elementary teacher?) and that fat shaming should be encouraged for the benefit of the ‘fat person’. I also sat in my car and watched him point out fat people and heard him make clear that if I were to gain any additional weight, that he’d drop me b/c it was a clear indicator that I didn’t care about myself.

And yet, the date from hell got even worse. On the car ride back to his place, he kept talking about how if someone has cheated, he’d drop them. Well, yeah, in a relationship that makes sense. They make a promise to be monogamous and then they cheat on someone, sure… you should drop them. But, he started saying that he has ditched friends because they’ve cheated on people. What? These are your friends… of course cheating is morally wrong, but it’s not like they cheated on you.

And yet somehow, I let this disaster convince me to come into his house and watch a few episodes of Brooklyn 99. Ouch. So awkward. I sat there on his couch as far away as I could get from and kept my eyes on the t.v. I couldn’t help but see him touch his feet and peel skin off of them while we watched though. It was disgusting and the last straw. I made an excuse that I had to be somewhere early in the morning and never called or texted him back. Hell no, Chris the Teacher.  Hell no.

So yes, this was a side track from Jay.. but it’s just so hilarious that I had to share it!

Back to Jay and I. Following our first date, we promptly set up a second. I had told him that I went to the archery range often, and he asked that I bring him there. So I did… 2 days later. We went to the archery range together, where we… really connected. We spent the whole time joking and hip bumping, cause… that’s just how I am, I guess. Then we went to dinner at Brewsters where I may have gotten a little tipsy and a little too honest.

Shortly after our second date, we arranged a third. Like, the next day. We met up at Village Ice Cream and walked around the nearby  park talking for hours. Then when it started getting a little chilly, we sat in his car listening to his music and chatting even more. I was sad to head home at the end of it.

Our fourth date was the day after; we met up after work for dinner at Famoso near his workplace. Chatted through dinner and then had another car date. This one really stands out in my mind because the asshole pointed out my sweat stains and oh my god, I died of humiliation. Except he was sweet about it. And held my hand after as we walked to the nearby COOP to use their bathroom.

By this point, I think it was clear to both of us that we really liked each other and there was some sort of chemistry happening. He started getting bold by text and honestly, so did I. He wanted to set up a fifth date right after, but we agreed to keep it to what we had intended to be our second date a week after our first. So we did. Our fifth date, we went to Jay’s favourite sushi place in Kensington. We sate together, like a couple, in our own little corner. He wrapped his arm around me as we ate and giggled and made fun of ourselves. I had made tiramisu for him (since it was his favourite and I had convinced him not to bother ordering the one off the menu date 4). We walked up to the nearby park where we sat on a bench and shared our first messy kiss(es). I couldn’t help giggling the whole time and maybe ruined the romantic atmosphere…oops.

On that hill, he convinced me to come over to his place to “netflix and chill”. We didn’t do much netflix watching; we just made out instead. I liked the way he seemed to light up around me. And I liked the way I lit up around him. It was … pretty amazing.

Everything else after that happened pretty quickly. He said he loved me first (though he’ll say I said it first, whenever it’s convenient to the story). I did, technically say it first since I said it as a joke. He pointed out that he hated PT Cruisers and I laughed and said it. Then he wouldn’t stop muttering it under his breath the entire night. That was Canada Day. <3. Best holiday ever, did I mention that?

Shortly after (as in literally days after), we agreed to be exclusive. And … here I am now. Well, add 5 months of seeing each other almost 4x a week. I’m no longer single. I’m no longer a virgin. And best of all… I’m no longer unhappy.

Of course, I still have my doubts. Of course, I’m still worried about the things I can’t control. That will always be inherent in the way that I am. But, I have him. I know that I have him. I know that he really loves me and I know that he’s not going anywhere… just like I’m not going anywhere.

This relationship…. It’s so different than what I expected. It feels so … different. I feel so calm. I don’t get butterflies and my heart doesn’t race when I see him. Instead, I feel calm and I feel … like I can think. Like I’m the one in control and that this is MY decision. I guess that’s healthy.

It’s so different from anything I’ve ever experienced before, but it’s also… so comforting. I think the last time I fell in love, both my feet were off the ground. This time around, it feels like both feet are securely planted, but… it’s good. I don’t feel like I’m out of control. And I know exactly what he feels about me. I know that he’s not going anywhere. I trust him.

I’m bot sure where things will go between us. Of course I’m hoping for the best, but I’m also not… how do I say this? I’m  not going to die without him. I think that’s healthy, isn’t it? I don’t need him… I want him. I want him to share my life with me.

Anyways, long post. Hopefully it’ll cover everything that has been missed in the few months I’ve disappeared.

– L