Hi everyone! Happy New Year!
To be honest, it’s been a whirlwind of a holiday season and I didn’t really have much time to ‘relax’. I’ll fill you in on the details.
First of all, in December at work we had our tri-annual services audit. Basically, this third party comes and audits our services, our paperwork, and interviews our clients. In preparation, I spent the whole month of November running around getting paperwork finished or signed. I also spent a lot of hours rearranging files, even though it’s not my job. I also realized in that time that I was really under-trained. The majority of the things I do at work, I had to teach myself! As a result though, it meant that a lot of paperwork I should have completed, I didn’t. I’m sure I’ll be in trouble for it…
The second big thing of the holiday season was Mac’s whole drama. I don’t think I discussed this at all, being the selfish, selfish person I am. I’ll start from the beginning. Mac is my best friend from Jr. High. She’s a bit of a serial monogamist and she’s really never stayed with anyone guy for more than a couple of years. She’s also admittedly never been in love. Anyways, this year around September (?) I got a random phone call from Fe. Now, I never get phone calls from Fe, so I was kind of caught off guard. She excitedly asked me if I knew whether or not Mac was dating some Korean dentist guy she worked with in er office. I said I didn’t know, but promptly pulled up my Facebook messenger and shot a message off to Mac.
Mac got back to me pretty much immediately and she told me that her parents had set her up on a date with some innocent/naive Korean guy from another church. They really liked him and thought that he’d be good for her, so she flew into town to meet with him for like 3 days (thanks for telling me you were in town!!). They actually hit it off and kept talking. By the end of the week, they were engaged. Yeah. And everyone said Jay and I moved fast.
They announced their wedding date for December 28th and Mac even asked me to be her Maid of Honour! It was really sweet, but after a month of planning it fizzled out. She said it was too trying to figure out all the extra details of having bridesmaids. Regardless, their date was still set for Dec. 28th in Toronto.
A couple of months went by and they still seemed to be going strong, so I went ahead and bought my flight tickets. Mistake number 1. I planned to stay with Jess, who conveniently had a house to herself and lived maybe 15 minutes away from the venue. I didn’t get a rental care though (Mistake number 2?).
Then came the first week of December and I got a message from Macrina. Yep, you guessed it. She cancelled her wedding. She was very brief on the details, but when she finally opened up to me, she told me that they had had a disagreement. She didn’t specify about what, but Fe and I chatted a bit afterwards and the story from his side was something related to prenups. Apparently, he had asked for a prenup (since the guy is 38 and has been a dentist for more than 10 years) and Mac had basically said no.
Anyways, I didn’t hear any more from Mac and I didn’t want to presume. She then messaged me and told me she’d be back in Calgary in mid-December. When she landed, we hung out a little and she finally got into the nitty-gritty. She told me that they had been all set to be married. She was convinced that she was madly in love with this guy and that she was willing to give up anything to be with him. She talked about their plans for her to support him while he went back to med school.
But then, they had some sort of argument and in a heated moment, she told him that she wished they were done. And apparently that was enough to scare and rattle him into reality. Suddenly, he woke up and realized that if they divorced, he’d have no real protection of his assets. So, after going away for a week (with his friend to LV), he came back with the prenup.
To her, that spelled the end. It meant that he didn’t truly believe that they were going to be together forever. To her it seemed like he was already planning for their divorce and she took it as a slap in the face. This was someone that she thought she could sacrifice for, but the prenup made her think that maybe he wasn’t ready to do the same for her.
Basically, their combined insecurities destroyed their relationship, which is sort of sad. Mac confessed that she felt so torn up over the situation, because she thought it was maybe the first time she had truly been in love. To be 100% honest, I’m not really sure if that’s true or not. From my experience with Mac and her love affairs, she always seems to be completely infatuated and then completely uninterested or unaffected when it ends.
So, for the majority of December she struggled with the idea of being still interested or in love with her ex-fiancee, but not wanting to go any further with him either. She reasoned that her intention for dating is to marry, but she knows that he wouldn’t marry without a prenup and she wouldn’t marry with one. As a result, their relationship is pointless, because while they may love each other, it won’t result in what they both want (a marriage). I think she puts too much weight on the idea of marriage and the necessity of it. I worry she’ll end up marrying some poor sap just because she wants to be married.
That was basically my December. I spent the time either entertaining Mac, distracting her from her thoughts, or helping her cover up their secret rendez-vous from her disapproving parents (they disapproved after she told them about the prenup).
I hardly had any time to spend with Jay, because he was in Ontario as well (extended family). But, to be honest, the whole situation with Mac and her ex-fiance made me really think and appreciate what I have with J. It also made me take a more mature look at our relationship.
Looking back at that last post, it wasn’t all that realistic nor mature. I still have some doubts, but I realize now that to be a good pair, you don’t need to be exactly the same. You also don’t need to talk all the time (even though I still do). What matters is that it’s clear I love him and it’s clear that he loves me. What matters, is that we want each other to be happy and that we make each other happy.
Maybe there is a place in the world where dogs and cats can live happily ever after 🙂