Seeds …

I’m at the office right now and it is shortly after 5:30 pm. Yes, I’m working late. Unusual, but it’s been busy this month and I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed, to be completely honest. Work has been a point of stress now… Things have not been going smoothly and I worry. I’m worried about my job security amongst other things. I feel like I’m no longer making a positive change here. I feel the overwhelming desire to just give up and let that giant boulder I’ve been pushing up the hill squish me on it’s way down.

Anyways, I’m sitting here in the office in the middle of November looking out the window and watching the girl that is staring back. I look and feel different. I didn’t realize that until just now. I’m a different person than I was just a year ago. It’s bewildering to realize how much I’ve changed without even realizing it. A few small things that started to change a year back, have now made me a totally different person.

The funniest thing is that I can’t describe the difference. This girl in the window looks so different than the girl that was looking back at me a short year ago. She looks like she knows what she’s doing, even though deep down I know she doesn’t 🙂

She looks kind of angry too. Or maybe it’s sad. Or maybe it’s wisdom? I can’t really tell. This new woman… She is well suited for J. No longer for R. The girl that once was so irrevocably in love with R. seems to be long gone. Crushed by the roots that have given life to this new woman. I don’t know if I should feel remorse for her death or if I should rejoice for the birth of someone new – no matter how jaded she seems to look.

– L.

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