Shambles

I am so angry right now… My life is in shambles and I am barely keeping it together. I feel like I’m holding things together with a single thread and it’s starting to snap. I can’t do this alone anymore, the weight of it all is unbearable.

I know these are silly things that are bothering me, and that just makes it all the more worse. They’re stupid little things that I can’t manage – what’s going on with me?

Firstly, work has exploded with a mass of stress and crazy shenanigans going on. Something horrible happened – a staff of mine and her client were involved in a crime and it’s now something that’s threatening our peaceful work environment. I can deal with that though, b/c no one is hurt and really it’s all about cleaning up the mess now. That’s honestly something I can do.

Secondly, my heart is still broken up about you-know-who. I can’t get over it. I can’t escape it. I can’t run away. I am stuck. I am stuck in an ugly place emotionally and mentally. I am stuck. Just stuck.

Thirdly, my stupid ass phone that I ordered and shipped to my friend in the US was returned to the sender b/c my idiotic friend didn’t bother checking her mailbox for notices. UPS apparently delivered it to her HALF A FUCKING MONTH AGO and she didn’t see the notice nor did she connect the dots. I can’t count her… I knew that from the start, so I don’t know why I entrusted her with something that’s 300$ worth. Fucking idiot me.

Finally, my fucking computer. Everything in my fucking house is a fucking Apple fucking computer and they fucking suck. I’m sorry, I’m getting progressively agitated and upset. Yes, fucking Apple sucks… You heard me you pretentious little asshole hipsters. Fuck this shit, I’m going back to PC. Fucking piece of fruit runs like a potato.

I’m also fed up with my relationships. I’m fed up with my friends. Some of them are so hypocritical. Some of them are so rude and self-centred (and hypocritical about that). Some of them are so stupid. Most of them are fucking boring as shit and unimaginative. I mean fucking shit people, is it so hard to get off your fat asses and go for a fucking hike? You that goddamn lazy? And finally, some of them only give a shit about me when they need me. I sit around waiting for one friend to go online b/c she wanted me to show her how to do something, so I sat around online all fucking night waiting for her self-centred pretty ass to show up. No fucking show. Thanks a fucking lot. Thanks a bunch. Guess my time means jack shit to you.

So yeah, this is the real me. I’m angry. I’m an angry bitch that is going to lash out and throw acid at everyone and anything around me. B/c I’m volatile and b/c I’m fucking ready to explode. I am just so fed up with constantly feeling fucking hurt and constantly feeling like NOTHING is happening. Like NOTHING is going my way. Like I have to beg and cheat and steal and lie to get just a little bit of what I really want. Maybe this is why I don’t get what I want, b/c ultimately I am not patient enough. Not nice enough. Not sweet enough. Not pure enough. Not whatever. Fuck that. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck it all, seriously. I just cannot deal with anyone else today or tomorrow or fucking anytime soon. So you can all go fuck yourselves.

L

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