Worried.

I’m a little worried about my mother. These are thoughts that have been floating around my mind for a while now. Maybe a couple of years even. I don’t know…

I’m worried about her mental capacity. I’m worried she may have Alzheimer’s or something else neurological. She forgets things all the time. Important big things. Like leaving the stove on. Or forgetting her keys in the door. Other things too. Things like words. She forgets the word she wants to use, and fills in a sentence with a word that doesn’t work.

Now, this is not just casual forgetfulness or mindlessness. I am super forgetful and super mindful, but I am not at the point where it has just completely slipped my mind that I have a pot of water boiling on the stove. She’s done this a couple of times now. She’s burned food b/c she’s forgotten entirely that she’s put it on the stove. She’s burned pots of water before to the point that the pot is just sitting empty on the stove for 30 minutes. It’s terrifying and she doesn’t want to talk about it. And my dad enables her. He refuses to talk about it and he gets mad at me if I bring it up. I’m really concerned here, but she’s in denial and he doesn’t want to confront or deal with anything at all. But, that’s their nature. Their nature is to just get sick and not deal with it. Maybe even let it kill them.

Today was particularly scary b/c we were watching Amazing Race and she made a number of stumbles in about a 15 minute span. To be fair, she wasn’t paying close attention to it, but it’s still kind of scary. First, I kept shouting that they were in Tokyo and how badly I wanted to go. Then a few minutes later she’s asking, “Where are they?”. Well… Japan?

So, a bit of backstory: this season on Amazing Race, they’re trying to pair up singles on blind dates. Stupid idea, but I’m sharing it for a reason. So, we’re watching them complete a task and she sees this obviously grunge couple on the screen and goes, “those Olympians aren’t going to finish”. Well, no, they’re not Olympians. That’s a guy that owns a truck stop and that’s his gf, the engineer. Later, she points out a white guy and calls him a black guy. I’m sorry, what? Finally, she calls a ‘blind date’ couple a “novice” couple. What? So I asked her, “what do you mean novice?” and she replies, “well, I mean they’re new to dating…”

Now, I know she knows what the word ‘novice’ means. I know she knows that it’s the wrong word to use. Yes, she’s always had the habit of substituting the wrong word (or not-real-words, even). It’s an annoying habit that bugs me, but what’s even more annoying is that she won’t admit that she used the wrong word and will push and push that yes, in fact, she meant to say ‘novice’. Anyways, I’m sure this time it’s something more, b/c how do you confuse “blind date” with “novice”.

I dunno. I’m worried. Duh.

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