One step.

I’m feeling a little better this week, which is ironic because things aren’t really going all that well. Maybe it really is just our perspectives. I do feel a little lighter. I started caring less about my work and what my coworkers thought of me. I started to remind myself not to take it too seriously. Not to take life so seriously. So what if I fuck up? Who suffers? Just me… I might as well enjoy it.

I’m not so delusional to believe that this lightening of my load (so to speak) will last forever. I’m sure that by the end of the week, I’ll forget all the things that I’ve discovered in the past few hours, and that I’ll just be back to being my typical gloomy self. Maybe. Or maybe it’ll stick around.

Here are some improvements that I’ll make. 1) I will eat better. Part of that is cooking for myself and part of that is trying out this “soylent” stuff. I can’t believe I am actually buying into this bs, but whatever. It’s interesting and I’m intrigued. If I’m curious enough to spend like 3 days straight on writing up my own formula, then why not try it. I don’t think it’s going to result in anything dangerous, at least not if I don’t adhere to an only-soylent diet. It’s just intriguing how people are trying to hack their bodies. Interesting.

2) I will take fitness seriously. Whether that’s going to dodgeball every week (did I mention that I took up dodgeball?) or if it’s going to the gym or if it’s going jogging. I’m going to try. Maybe not the jogging during winter, because I don’t really want to start off the year with a broken limb. We’ll see. Definitely will need to go to the gym and pick up lifting. But first, I need to sort out the pinched nerve in my elbow.

3) I will look for a new job. I think I like my job… but sometimes ‘think’ isn’t enough. I want a job that I know I will love. What that is, I’m not sure… but it’s not this, and that’s okay. I have to be okay with the idea that even though this is an amazing job, it’s just not the right one for me. That’s okay. I’m scared of what the future has in store for me, but I don’t want it to pass me by, so I better jump at it. After April that is… Because I have a bloody annoying practicum student.

4) I will learn to be okay on my own. I don’t need someone next to me. Life would be more interesting with a partner in crime or someone in the passenger seat, but I’m the driver. I can’t sit around waiting for a passenger and letting life slip me by. Life is good without someone there, but I gotta figure that out on my own. Fuck dating. Fuck assholes. Fuck you, R.

Well, there’s that. I guess you can call it a new year’s resolution list, but I wouldn’t. I’m not putting a deadline on this. I know that life and other complexities get in the way. It’s not even a big deal if I don’t get this stuff sorted. Maybe I’ll end up in a job I dislike or fat and lonely. Oh well, who gives a fuck. You certainly don’t. I’ll make my life whatever the hell I see fit.

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