It’s amazing how much time can do. It can turn rocks into dust. It can turn mountains into rivers. And it can turn broken hearts into barely visible scars. I’m better now. A lot better. I hardly think about R anymore, but when I do, they’re memories that make me smile and chuckle. They come in, fill me with a little bit of sunshine and then disappear again. Memories as light as a butterfly’s wings and just as fleeting. There for an instance and gone even faster.
It’s nice to say that it’s over. In many ways it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my heart. I can breathe again. I can start to feel the outlines that is me again. I’m starting to feel like… me. It’s good.
But, what is life if it is not always keeping you on your toes? Sure I’m feeling better about R., but now there comes other issues. Work issues – does my boss hate me or what? Personal issues – what’s going on with this guy… do I like him? Is it just a passing thing? Can I get over the physical and look inside?
I’ve started seeing this guy. He’s friends of a friend. Well, I guess he’s more like a distant friend of a friend of a friend. I don’t know how it happened, to be honest. Basically, my friends dragged me to a bbq at one of their old high school friend’s party. I only went because I was bored and because they wanted to do something right afterwards. I went without the intention of really meeting anyone. I went hoping that the night would end quickly and we could do something more exciting with my friends, instead of a bunch of fobby strangers.
This guy and his friend started to talk to us and … well, I didn’t think anything of it. I talked like myself. I didn’t flirt. I just … was myself. I just talked to everyone like I was hanging out in Henry’s basement. Like I was hanging out at Sam’s house. Like, me.
And, apparently that was enough. I don’t know how to feel about that. I’ve never had anyone ask me out whom I wasn’t at least flirting a little with. This guy, what does he see? And further more, what am I doing? Am I going on dates with him because I actually enjoy his company or am I trying to solve this mystery?
I don’t know. I’m nervous. I’m scared. I don’t like the consequences. And I don’t want to get involved so quickly after R. I feel like it’s asking for trouble. But I also don’t want to stop…. just in case. Just in case. I won’t say more, because I’m afraid of what it could mean.