The mind is such a strange thing. It’s sometimes surprisingly resilient, yet other times … very fragile. And the funny thing is that everything depends on it. Everything we were. Everything we are. Everything we aspire to be.
I empathize with people who have mental health problems and I honestly do believe that everyone will face a mental health issue at some point(s) in their lives. I know I surely have and I will probably again in the future.
One of my oldest friends from Jr. high is doing her phD in Europe. From the outside, she seems to have it made. She’s wickedly smart, sociable and it seems like she’s doing well. She’s living in Europe and pursuing her doctorate degree… isn’t that most peoples’ dream?
Well, she’s not happy. And she’s struggling with a number of issues that never went away when she was younger. It’s difficult to watch happen to a girl that seemingly has it set to be happy. She has all the tools available to her, but can’t see the path in front of her. It’s like the path is clear to everyone else, but her.
We haven’t spoken much since high school. We had a bit of a falling out and never quite repaired our friendship to the way it was before. We’ve always been cordial, and I’d like to think that we’re still ‘close’. I mean, I don’t hang out with her regularly, but I think I know her quite well – the real her that is.
She’s definitely self-conscious and her harshest critic. She is competitive and sometimes can be manipulative… but, overall I think she’s a genuinely good person. She just wants to find meaning in her life – just like everyone else. I guess she’s confused as to how to go about it.
It’s kind of funny how somethings don’t become apparent to us even when they are overwhelmingly so for other people. Do other people see clearer than we do? Is there something wrong with the mirrors that we look into?
I know I can be particularly harsh on myself too, but I have to admit… even though my previous posts don’t suggest it… I am happy. I mean, I’m happy with myself. Sure, my circumstances may not be the greatest… but I am happy with the person I am. Or at least, with the person I am becoming. I know that there will always be things that I need to work on – anger management, knowing when to speak, etc. The thing is though, I like who I am becoming. I like that these things that I consider ‘issues’ or ‘problems’ can be fixed. I like that they are things that I am aware of and that I am in the progress of changing.
Generally, I like myself. And I wish that on everyone else. It doesn’t matter if other people don’t really like you, as long as you can walk away and say “I like myself”. I mean, as long as you’re not Hitler, we’re good 🙂