I am a very confused person. That is a two part sentence; I am generally a very confused person and I also happen to be extremely confused with my current situation.

Basically, I don’t know where I stand with R. I know this is a common thread of my posts in this blog… but I really don’t know now. Somedays it feels like he’s very cold and it’s very clear that he only wants us to be friends (as he has said). Other days, I’m sure that’s not the case. Other days he says things to me that would be deemed inappropriate and downright creepy in any other ‘friendship’. But I let him get away with it, because while he runs hot and cold… I only run hot.

So what now? This time he messaged me in the morning and said he had a dream about me. A sex dream. And that he remembered all the dirty, explicit details.

Here’s my dilemma… Sure, sex dreams are very common. Sure, you may have them about friends. Sure, they don’t have to mean that you have romantic or even sexual interest in the person that you’re dreaming about. But the telling part is how you deal with it. Most people dreaming about someone they don’t have feelings for would just shut up and not say anything. At least, that’s what I’d do.

So why tell me? Why tell me you had a sex dream about me and further more, why tell me all the dirty secrets and tease/flirt with me about it unless you want something from it. This is why I’m confused. He sends mixed signals. On one hand he’s flirting with me quite overtly, and on the other hand, he’s telling me that he doesn’t want a relationship – least of all with me.

What do I take away from this?

Well, if anything, it should be that this guy is a tricky bastard. That he might just very well be the player that he tries so desperately to convince me that he isn’t. This guy surrounds himself with female friends and they all clearly throw themselves at him. And what does he do? He abstains from them all. He likes the chase. More specifically, he loves it when girls chase him. Maybe it’s an ego boost, because he severely needs one.

Hurts though. Because I’d like to think that I have genuine feelings for him – not just feelings of lust. And I’d like to think that he has feelings for me, but I’m starting to think that it is just lust. Pure. Lust.

– L


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