I’m tired … So, tired.

I’m tired of feeling constantly sad about you. I’m tired of just thinking of you all the fucking time.

At first, I thought that something tragic had happend to our love story. That somehow, life had gotten in the way of us. That maybe you were too afraid to go for something that could have become amazing. I thought maybe your bipolarism got in the way of you getting what you wanted. Doing what you wanted. Becoming who you wanted.

But those are all just excuses I made on your behalf. You never really cared about me. You just used me. You toyed with my feelings. You wanted me to chase you over and over again through more and more complicated torture. You wanted me to want you. And you wanted me to feel hurt. I don’t know why you wanted that, but you did. I realize that now.

If you cared about me the way you like to say you did, then you wouldn’t have been afraid to drive those 10 hours to see me. You wouldn’t have been afraid to see me when I drove those 10 hours for you.

No, you don’t care. You’re a pathetic sack of shit. Somehow you’re not getting the attention you want from someone else in your life, so you take it out on me. You play these games with my heart as if it were a toy made for you. You say all these words to melt my heart – all lies. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being and hiding behind your mental health problem doesn’t excuse your actions. You are a coward. And you know what? You were also so damned right. You ARE an asshole.

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