Fortunes.

A couple of days ago, I met up with a good friend after work. She and I have been friends for a very very long time and even though we don’t share many things in common, we are close because we have what the other doesn’t. We make a good team, I guess. We also have one of those friendships that can be picked up after years and years of not talking to each other. I like to believe it’s because, maybe in one of the few similarities we share, we both can see through the bullshit people project.

Anyways, this friend has been in town for a couple of months now. She went away for a few years for University, at which time I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her much. Regardless, since she’s been back, we’ve been seeing each other almost daily. I don’t really know why I bring this up, since it’s really not related to what I’m going to launch into.

So, getting back to the story, I met up with this friend who happens to be studying for a college entrance exam. She’s been quite stressed as the exam date has been drawing closer and closer, so she welcomes my regular unannounced drop-bys. Oh, I should mention she’s Korean also, because it’s important.

By the time I swung by the University library where she was studying, she was already waiting for me outside of the study room. We went and grabbed some coffee and sat on the chairs outside to chat a bit. She needs these little chats once in a while, they help relieve her stress – especially when she’s been studying for 8 hours straight, every day for the past month.

She started talking about this Korean app she downloaded for her phone. Some sort of fortune telling thing that could give a picture of your personality, predictions of your future career, an idea of your future spouse and other such things based on simply your Chinese/Korean name, your birthday and your birth time. She kept saying how she was totally blown away by the results of her own fortune telling. I should probably say that although I do check my horoscope daily, I’m not the type of person to really believe in fortune telling or the like… although I do have an interest in it (just like people who may not believe in the paranormal have an interest in it). Anyways, she insisted that I do my name and I took it as a joke.

But, I have to admit it did a good job of describing my personality and my past health issues & other aspects of my life. For example, it said that I’m  warm person, but that sometimes I can have a fiery temper if provoked. Pretty accurate. Okay, I’m not doing a good job selling it, but it was a lot more accurate than I make it out to be. I just didn’t pay attention to what it had to say about my personality (mostly because I already know what my personality is).

Anyways, following the accurate summary of my characteristics, I couldn’t help but heed some of the advice they gave in the realm of my career and love life. For one, it said that I work better in an environment where I can work with my hands or physically do something. That I’m not an office person. Too true. It also said that I’m on the right path to where I should be.. And that my current position is a good stepping stone to that future. It also suggested that when I hit my 50s, I’d come into a lot of money from an inheritance of some sort. Finally, it said that I’d be okay.

Somehow, that really gave me a lot of comfort. I know it’s probably not a true fortune telling, but the fact that it told me I’d be okay in the future really resonated with me. Mostly because I’ve been so afraid that I wouldn’t find my way all this time… to have some fortune telling me  ensuring me that I’d be okay was like a pat on the shoulder from God himself, telling me that I’ll be okay. I’m going to be okay.

Anyways, the love life part gets a little interesting. It said that when I was younger I really wanted to fall in love, but that I didn’t know how or that I didn’t have a good understanding of it. And it said that I’d have some relationships in the future, but not many of them would be that deep. But, there is hope apparently. I marry someone that I love. Someone that acts childish around me (yay), which suits my nurturing instincts I guess. He’s also someone that is muscular (yay!) and of average height. He’s a good guy and he’s stable. That’s… hopeful.

I thought I’d be happy to hear this, but I really wasn’t. As much as I seem like the girl that wants stability, there’s always this side of me that wants a bit of wild, but doesn’t know where to find it. And, I’ve always figured that my partner would bring that wild into my life. That we’d go travel the world or live life on the edge of our seats together. I’m not really sure what I expected, but somehow when I heard that he’d be stable my heart sank a little. I guess I hear the word stable and I equate it with boring. Like a death sentence to forever be the girl that I am today – boring.

I know that’s not totally right. I know it, but I can’t help but feel that way. And maybe that’s why it wasn’t so totally hard to believe when the fortune said I’d cheat. Yup, I’m apparently a cheater… At first I was stunned, because I’m a fairly morally driven individual, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that if I cheated, it’d be an emotional cheating. I could see myself easily falling for someone else while in a relationship, simply because someone new was showing an interest in me. I know that makes me sound cruel, but that’s precisely why I don’t want to be with someone that is boring. That isn’t exactly my ideal guy. Because I’m afraid of what I could do…

Anyways, I know it’s all just mumble jumble. I know it’s probably not the truth, but maybe it could be. You never know. Maybe it’s something that we take into our subconscious and then form our futures around it. Who knows how life works, I certainly don’t… but I hope I find happiness. Maybe I’m one of those children that didn’t understand the exercise and answered “Happy” when the teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. But, I probably would have said “Happy” not because I understood life, but because I wasn’t and am not happy.

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