If you have to keep wondering where you stand with someone, then maybe its time to stop standing and start walking
Today is a new day and I’m not too sure how I’m feeling. In a way I feel like a car put in neutral. I don’t think I’m falling back, but I’m not quite moving forward. What I feel now though, is that I have potential. That there is hope for something better, while also realizing that the past was important in getting to this place now.
I guess, I don’t regret anything that has happened. In some twisted way, all that heartbreak and all that back-and-forth between us taught me some important things. And while I could say that this experience showed me not to give my whole heart to someone, I’m not foolish enough to make that conclusion. Yes, I gave my heart fully to him and yes it was broken, but…. I’d do it all over again. Because while it lasted it was amazing and it was an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. I was happy, for maybe the first time in a very long time and I thank him for that.
So no, I will not shy away from new relationships. I will not hide my heart away and try to protect it. Just like that story about the old man with the frankenstein heart and the young boy with the new heart… I will give mine freely and I will accept others freely. I have experienced my first real heartbreak and I go forward willing to experience more, because if we are always afraid of the fall, we’ll never reach the bottom.
That being said, I can’t just live off of this feeling. Yes, I’m in neutral and its full of potential, but unless I make use of that and shift into drive, I’m not going anywhere. So, my next step is to gather the courage to change my life for the better – meet new people, find a new job, start on my career, and finally start being happy. It’s probably not going to be an easy journey, but I’ll try my hardest to, as my favourite quote goes, “not tarry, not stop, no matter what happens.”