This is the third time I’ve tried writing this post. Why so many tries? Because I’m so tired of writing about the same topic over and over again. Trying to find a new way to explain what happened and trying to find a new way to interpret it all. Ultimately, it’s always the same thing – either I write a poorly written long ass post that explains nothing or I just write a paragraph that doesn’t quite sum up what happened. So what do I do?
Well, here’s my plan. I’m going to let you in on it little by little. Why? Because, I don’t think anyone is really reading this blog as of yet, so why not. I know my own story, better than anyone else so I can wait to hammer it out. Make sure it’s documented the right way.
So here is my first contribution to my story. Get ready for it:
I am a virgin. To specify, I am a 24 year-old female virgin living in Canada. What do I mean by that? Well, I have never been kissed. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve only ever been on 2 dates, both of which happened in the past year. None of which worked out. At all. I’ll share those stories later on.
So what does this make me? Hell, if I were you readers, I’d be thinking, “this girl is obviously some hideous troll”. Well, I’d like to think you’d be wrong. Now, there’s no way to prove this without giving tacking on a picture (and I’ve already discussed why that’s not going to happen), so.. let me just describe myself.
Although I don’t have much of a fashion sense, I’m not a hobo. I tend to stick to simple staples like t-shirts, jeans and converses. Because they’re effing comfortable, that’s why. I wear glasses, but I’m not covered in zits. Yes, I used to have braces, but they’ve been off for years now so I’ve got a nice set of (somewhat) aligned teeth. I say somewhat because I hate wearing my retainer. Oops. I actually happen to like the way I look physically – my face is pretty proportional and my weight is 120lbs for 5’6″ which seems appropriate. Yes, I could stand to lose a little weight or I should say, tone up… but these are all small things that I can easily change.
My interests sure make me sound a little like a nerd/dork/geek that you probably think I am. I like t.v. shows, movies, reading, knitting, sewing, crafts, cartoons, and board games. Yes, I do game (PS3 & PC), but I definitely am not so intense that I keep note of stats. I just game periodically to relieve tension and for the fun of it. I never take it seriously, much to the chagrin of my fellow gamer friends.
So yeah, in my opinion, I’m just an average girl. i mean, there are some points where I differ – I consider myself a little more tomboyish than others – but ultimately, I’m pretty average. I wear makeup, dresses and do my nails, but I love to snowboard, paintball and play COD. So.. Yeah, average.
Why am I a virgin? I don’t know. You’re asking the wrong person here. I have no idea why I’ve never had a boyfriend before. It’s not for a lack of trying, that’s for sure. There have been a number of guys I’ve been interested in, but many of them ended up not interested in me or not interested at the right time. I used to think that no one was interested in me, but I’ve come to realize… No one I was interested in was interested in me. Yes, I have to admit I recall a number of times where I knew a guy liked me and I made things so horribly awkward that I just ended up overreacting and pushing them away. I have issues with that and I’ve been working on it.
My friends like to say that I’m too demanding or that my standards are too high, but I’m not sure if that’s really it. Yes, I do have some things I hope to see in a possible significant other, but it’s not like … something that’s cut and dry. Basically, there has to be something there. Some call it a spark, I think I just call it a connection. There’s got to be that something that keeps me interested in you. And if it’s not there, it’s not there. I can’t force it.
I’m not a prude, either. I’ve got nothing really holding me back from having sex with someone, other than the fact that I’d like it to be with someone that actually matters to me. I’ve got no religious reasons to not have sex (hell, I’m barely religious…), so really it’s not an issue. In fact, I’d like to think I’m pretty sexual and open about it. I’m not daunted by hearing dirty jokes and actually, if you ask my friends they’ll usually agree that I’m usually the one doling out the jokes. Heh.
So, that’s the first chapter to this long ass story. I know it is already so long as it is… wish there was an easier way to get this story out there, but honestly, starting from the beginning is the only way it’ll make sense.