Guess what? Yep, semester 2 has flown by and I am now officially done with the core courses. Actually, to be honest, I finished about a week and a half ago. The time in between has been hectic.
So, what was last semester like? Well, in terms of classes it was okay. We had operations, strategy, leveraging IT, and the last bit of leading people & organizations. In terms of workload, I’d say that this semester seemed much more doable – probably since it was much less quantitative. In all honesty, I felt like I really hit my stride this semester. I felt comfortable from the beginning with the subject matters and felt like I was really learning (with the exception of strategy maybe – but that’s another matter).
When it came time for the finals, I felt super confident. I had my little study notes made up (not little by any means haha) and I felt very confident in knowing the frameworks for both strategy and operations. That’s not to say that the final exam didn’t rip me a new one, but at least going into finals I felt a lot better than the first semester.
In terms of relationships…. well, I’m not sure. I think the downward spiral of people thinking I’m clutzy has worsened to the point that people think I’m a spaz. I think I’m becoming too comfortable with a lot of people and I’ve swung a little too far. Sometimes, I hear myself being the loudest and most obnoxious person in the room; that isn’t me. I mean, I am loud, but I’m not normally obnoxious. Or am I?
I’m starting to see a lot of traits come out that I’m not comfortable with. Perhaps the most upsetting is that I’m finding myself to be very judgmental about others. More than anything, I’ve noticed that this MBA environment is like high school in hyper drive. All the emotions we felt as teenagers are just exaggerated here. The drama is the same, only worse because the people involved are supposed to be adults… but here we are, given carte blanche to act crazy.
In some ways though, its freeing. It takes away a lot of the ‘power’ other people have held over me for the past 6 years. What I mean is that I’ve always felt that I wasn’t the ‘same’ as other professionals. I didn’t feel as professional. I honestly didn’t feel like I was on the same level as they were. But being around such impressive individuals and watching them act like complete idiots when they’re not ‘at work’ is amazing. These are just everyday people who happen to be very very capable in their work. Why can’t this be me? Why not me?
I try to keep this new learning in mind as I meet with potential employers and apply to new jobs. Ultimately, these recruiters are also people with their own flaws. I bet that guy interviewing me sings show tunes when he’s drunk. And that girl probably enjoys making disgusting jokes (wait… that’s just me).
This month has also been pretty intense emotionally. I’ve snapped a few times. Cried a few times more. And gotten drunk by myself a couple of times too. It’s been rough.
With us currently in the throes of fall recruiting, everyone is feeling stressed and down…. and for some reason its making me feel the same, even though I don’t have a dog in the race. I’m not sure why I feel antsy and grouchy… but it’s been notable. Everyone around me knows that I’m just a huge mess…. doesn’t reflect well on me. I always have to think about that now.
I also applied for a position during fall recruiting that I was really hoping to get at first. As time passed though, I realized that accepting it would mean a total change in my life and I’m not sure if I’m ready for such a big commitment yet. What totally stresses me out is that I have to actually confront what I want for myself in the future and make some decisions. I can’t just run away or keep my eyes down as I move forward. I actually have to make real plans towards my future. I hate doing that.
Anyways, I’m going to wrap this up. I feel myself rambling. I know that I need to practice writing if I ever want to make side money as a highly successful anonymous writer, but I just can’t do it right now. My brain feels like it is running on fumes and I am barely able to think.
Okay, until next time!